What is your problem? It may not matter. R3H1 may be the one answer that directly solves about 98% of what is bugging you, getting in your way, and keeping you stressed.
R3H1 is my code for Rules, Routines, Rituals and Habits.
Arising from the science of project management, R3H1 gets you focused on working out the ideal process to overcome or complete something – anything. Then you simply follow through on the process steps you set out, rather than stressing about reaching the ideal goal.
Anytime you can substitute work for worry: you know you have a winning strategy.
Worrying is “illegitimate suffering,” per psychologist CG Jung and many others since Jung first studied neurosis.
Worrying keeps you circling a problem, but weirdly it also stops you from solving it. You simply cannot worry your way out of bad circumstances, unless you want to fall into victimhood and expect the charity of others – emotional or otherwise – to bail you out.
We all have the friend or co-worker who seems overwhelmed almost all the time. Each OMG episode somehow comes to a bumpy end and delivers relief, if not the ideal result. This is the person without a process who hosts a dinner party but doesn’t remember to get enough chairs to seat everyone. This is the friend who enrolled in a college course but can’t write or edit a term paper.
It’s you when you think you are crushing on someone and then you realize you hardly know the person. So you and all your friends must be consumed with worry about what your prospective romantic partner means by not texting, texting daily, or texting on a weekend but not asking you out.
Imagine if you had a process to follow that cut through all this suffering. Imagine how much you would enjoy a sense of accomplishment, plus the freedom and creativity you yearn to enjoy. Imagine if all the rules, routines, rituals and habits were ones you choose consciously, experiment with, and settle on.
Work, love, relationships, dinner parties, deadlines, big projects, and new job searches: anything becomes easier when you set up a process and follow it.
That is the greatest value of R3H1 to me. It is the source of confidence I have. Living with the rules, routines, rituals and habits I created for myself, leaves me with time to think, reflect, have fun, develop new ideas and love.
Love? Why would a personal brand need R3H1 to get the time and space to love? Isn’t it a basic human emotion? Yes. It’s just that getting time to act with love, engage with love and revel in love only occurs when there is time available to do it. I have to put a lot of my life into R3H1, so I can save my brain for big things and that includes relationships.
Do this. Whatever your problem is, document your current process in dealing with it. Consciously follow your process steps for a week. At the end of each day rate the results. How do you feel? What do you do right? What could you refine? What needs to change completely? Is there something that could give you a better arc toward your end goal?
Much like a food diary, a process diary gives you an objective look at your life. It’s private unless you are open to dialogue about it. You can select someone you trust – a partner, great friend or coach to help you talk through what steps you are taking – and which ones might bear changing.
For example, a client of mine made these three rules for leaving the house. “I make the bed, defrost the dog food, and get to work a half hour before I’m due for a meeting.” Her meetings became hugely successful because she felt confident. She felt mastery over her mornings, often the most chaotic part of our day.
So, if you are seeking a promotion, battling with a co-worker, going after a new career or building a business: consider each goal as an opportunity to document your process, review it, change it and get a bigger, better result in your life and work.
This is the real time, a surreal time when obstacles fall away
By simply approaching them and encroaching on a new field of play
I go where I want because suddenly nothing is too tough
No barrier is too tall, no opponent is too rough to defeat me
Today, this year, or the remainder of my time here
No ogre, no monster, no bully, no evildoer
Will be the boss of me or scare from moving forward
Suddenly it’s clear, this is no time to stall or stray
This no time to malinger, no time to delay
I demand rather than declare
I command rather than dare
Now I am in charge of my time, my mind and my career
It took me quite a while to find out the truth
This life is a jagged path
There are no perfect routes
I have found my way home on my own in the dark
So I am not afraid to go out on my own anymore
I am not afraid of hearing there might be closed doors
Or that people won’t approve or vote yes or pitch in
I am on a road worth traveling even if I am alone
There is freedom ahead and what could be a bigger win
Than relying on myself and getting away from the din
Of naysayers and grumblers and bullies and bears
I rise on the heat of all their hot air
Yes, that’s me way up high, above and ahead
In a place of my own, where no could have led me
Because each of us has a unique way, we must find
Our own place called success that’s uniquely sublime
So stop trying to steal mine, compete with me or else
You will lose your precious battle, which is really with yourself
When you find your own path, you will love what you see
I’ll be happy for you, because I am happy with me
Feel free to ignore me if you can’t bear my zeal
Because this is my time, my path and my purpose for real
Get ready for a shock to your ego. You may be the most reliable, congenial and caring individual – but it don’t mean a thing if you don’t have that zing! By zing, I mean that magnetic power some people have to light up a room with their personality. Charisma.
For a long time, we’ve known that prospects and referrers are drawn to people whom they find trustworthy, likable and caring. There’s an old adage:
No one cares about what you know, until they know that you care.
It’s true. People like other people who seem to care about them, as well as those who share the same values, goals and perspectives. For your current clients or employer, you want to project trustworthiness, likeability and caring.
But TLC (trust, likability and caring) turns out to be necessary but not sufficient if you are building your business or career and need to really connect with people.
A recent scientific finding proves charisma is more important than any other quality. This may explain the current presidential candidate polls, because charisma doesn’t equal telling the truth or appealing to people’s higher morals and values. It just means ….. what?
What exactly is charisma, from a scientific point of view?
Being fast with responses to questions, both general and specific. Appearing to be quick witted and able to almost effortlessly express your point of view is what magnetizes an audience to you. And, if you know my work, “audience” is the word I use for anyone or ten thousand “anyones” you’re speaking to.
But, where does that leave those of us who need time to think before we speak? Frankly, it leaves the less prepared in the dust. When it comes to remembering and liking someone, the winner is almost always the person who has the ability to speak up on-the-spot.
That’s why I invented “trigger talk” for myself, and my clients who are in a myriad of fields but need to impress others with their competence and attractiveness. Trigger talk is perfect for the 99.5% of us who are not good at improvising, but need to make a great impression with our personal brands.
Trigger talk is simply 25-50 phrases or sentences that you prepare and practice before you need them. For example, job seekers should expect to hear: “So tell me about yourself.” If you’re not prepared: that long silence before you speak up isn’t just uncomfortable, it’s a killer mistake. The same is true for conversations about the topics of the day, or those specific to your business or industry.
The success of my clients has proven that charisma is not the star quality that only a few are born to have.
Just take the time to create your own trigger talk. Start with the news of the day, your favorite way to spend down time or why you are seeking that new job or client. Then get together a brief sentence or two on each topic that matters to you. Trigger talk makes for easy conversation – and an even easier road to the top!